Sunday, August 28, 2011

Dear Irene, F*** You, Blow Me!;) A Love Story

Ay, Irene, Boo, (Lemme holla at 'chu)


By the time you read this letter right here, I'mma have yo' ass on lock!!! 


Who you thank you is, miss thang? 


Yo' cover done been BLOWN! 


I wuz watchin' the news last night after you just done took off from Eden's Den the otha day.  


They showed you barin' yo ass across nine different states. Wuuuut? 


Mmmhmm....I seent you! In big flashin' letters on one of dem damn channels... 


"TS Irene Lashes Out All Across New England!"

You got put on BLAST


Now just how you just gon' get up and jump outta MY muf***in' establishment any time you get good and ready to? 


And dem toys is property of EDEN


Not you.


Ya heard. 


EDEN


That don't spell IRENE.


Yo' name ain't on none of dem whips and chains you out there flingin' 'round, swingin' at people like you ain't got no home-training!


You done LOST yo' mind!

 Yo' house fee is PAST due. Ya heard me?


And what do you do?  


You high-tail it out all the way out to the other coast, messin' wit' my demographic. 


Oh, you fancy, huh? 


I'm keepin' tabs, mama, and you will be workin' your high fallutin' tail off as soon as I google earth yo' current location. 


Say I won't. 


Mmmhmm...


Shoot. 


Rackin' up all these bills livin' the life of Loosey Goosey. 


You still ain't no Porcelain


We bohf KNOW dis!  


Apologize! 


You know you ain't right! 


I seent you.

 Twirlin' 'round and rainin' on erybody parade.  


Just wait. 


You got yo' self a lotta e'splainin' to do. 


And quit cryin' all day long. 


We ain't got time fuh yo' tears. 


We want you to SIT YO ASS DOWN


Dry off. 


Go get you some Claritin and leave folks alone.

When we done handlin' this situation, we puttin' you right back on Greyhound from whence you came, baby girl.


Now go get you some rest and call me tomorrow after you figure out what the hell is wrong wit'chu.

Get ghost,
Yo' gangsta truly, one love
Sir Master P.I.M.P.
DUKE Doggy DAWG

p.s.: check yo' gmail fo' a plane ticket BACK to da Den. You ain't flyin' first class this time, doh, shawty. Nah.


p.p.s: Go on YouTube and tell dem people you sorry. Pay dey light bills. Stop hatin'.
***********
                                           The End


=)OK, in case you all are like, WTF?!?!?, I was trying to make a funny about how gosh awful the weather is being over on the East Coast.  


EPIC Fail? 


Or Can I get some luv? (shrinks down meekly and returns to my 'normal' sweet self)

XXXO,
Sandra London

Yours Truly, Sandra LONDON


p.s.: I hope everyone in the eye of Irene is okay, uninjured, unharmed, and that their homes are holding on and upright. Sending you my best wishes ever!!!


p.p.s: What inspired today's EROTICA? Um, it's just been a long day and I've been watchin'  the news the past few days, Blue Collar Comedy back-to-back this evening (and Crank Yankers and Katt Williams and the like are ALWAYS on instant replay in my inner monologue)...


But, at the top o' the mornin' today, though, I started off re-watching the Bruce Bruce and then a Lavell Crawford stand-up clip that had me screaming with laughter. (I'll post the Lavell clip in a bit).
ETA: Here Is the Lavell Clip (Added at 11:09PM 08/28/2011)



I guess I got some weird dose of 'comedic courage'. Pray for me....lol.... while I eagerly await Tosh.O coming on in the next few minutes! ;)

3 comments:

  1. loved the post. beauty and brains are a lethal combo. you are more powerful than Irene, your sexxiness is a category 10 in my book. Love the pic too so damn hot. mucho bessos.
    t-shady.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have to agree with t-shady... amazing way with words...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Why, thank you, T-Shady and Anonymous!!!
    xxxo, Sandra London

    ReplyDelete

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xxxo, Sandra LONDON of Live&Grind (Los Angeles/Europe)
@ImSandraLondon
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